Plans, Road Maps, and a GPS.

At this very moment I am extremely pissed off.  Therefore, I figure it's a good time to introduce myself to my present and future readers.  So Hi... I am Jenae.  I am a little bit to truthful and I have a little bit of an attitude, but I like to call it spunk, or a backbone - pick one.  Anyway,  I know that it probably doesn't make sense, introducing myself when I'm this pissed off, but I figure that if you will read my blog when I'm clenching my teeth and seeing RED then you will probably read me during my other emotional or funny moments, assuming I have any.
At this point you might be wondering why I am angry?  If you aren't, please stop reading.  On the off chance that you are actually interested in why I am upset, I will in fact tell you in detail.  I'm upset at life.  Yes, the whole entire, messy roller coaster that is my LIFE.  I am not bothered by rude people, or the weather (which is a bit dreary), or at my boss, or any other particular reason.  NO, I am upset that life is not what it was supposed to be.  It's as if the "road map" for my life was just thrown into a puddle and all of the ink began to smear and wash away.
Once upon a time, not that long ago life, life was black and white in my childish existence.  Now, in my adult mind, the black and white lines have faded to many different shades of gray.  These shades of gray are blurring and changing and life itself is becoming harder and harder to understand.  As children most of us would probably attest to being an imaginative dreamer.  Dreaming up fictional stories and characters in a fictional land, similar to Never-Never Land.  Well guess what?  I want my damn Never-Never Land back. Why? Because this place called earth is proving to be to difficult and I don't ever want to grow up.  Here, in this land, things do not go "correctly".  All of the rules and lines that were created in my childish mind have been broken, and I feel as though I'm getting lost in a sea of dark, gray, blurring charcoal.
I guess the heart of the issue is not the difficulty of a constantly changing life, the heart of the issue is the fact that my "road map" sucked.  Whatever I was told, or whatever I believed, or however I pictured the glorious realities of young-adulthood, those imaginative realities have come out to kick me on my ass and then laugh in my face.  Maybe I am a bit to realistic and not idealistic enough, but the fact remains that my "road map" is either to blurry to be deciphered or it just left me hanging in the middle of nowhere....  I want a new "road map", or a new plan, or maybe just a really smart GPS.