During one of the conversations that I had with him, he said things like "I couldn't help it", "I have little will power", and "I needed something to cheer me up".
That hurt me. No, that crushed me - and all the while he insulted me, as if I am the one who cheated. He got mad at me and resorted to treating me poorly and saying rude things to me.
Now I must ask: Who will cheer her up when she finds out? Who will cheer me up for being involved? When am I going to stop hurting for your stupidity, your selfishness, and your mistakes? How will this effect your baby?
A lot of time to hate myself. A lot of time to hate him.
I want to hate him, but I don't. I want to stop hating myself, but I can't.
A lot of time to decide if I am going to force him to "rectify" the situation.
I can't help but feel as though I should have known. I should have guessed. I should have never, ever, ever let him back in. I should have continued to believe that he is toxic, like I had thought before. Like so many wonderful people in my life tried to warn. He is toxic because he destroys everything that he touches. Everything except his work, but even that has been a strained relationship as his own parents, the owners of the company fired him for his outrageous antics at one point.
All that to say, I can't help but feel as though I should tell her, or make him tell her.
I have a powerful weapon... it's called my memory. I know things that I he doesn't realize that I know, and I remember things that he doesn't even remember telling me, and that - well that could get him into a lot of trouble.
But It's not my business anymore. Now that I am free of the situation, I don't think that it's my place to tell. But I wish that someone, anyone, would have told me, which is why I wish that I could tell her. I know that telling her might destroy any chance that he has to having a working relationship with this women, something that he began seeking only after the baby was born. I don't want to destroy a relationship, I'm not that vindictive, but if the situation was reversed I truly believe that he would be that vindictive. I don't want to ruin the relationship, but I wouldn't mind torching his car.
Anyway, I think that she has the right to know, the right to make a decision that will be best for her and her child - regardless of what would be best for him.
Throughout my life, I have seen the "cheater" turn into the "cheated on" a number of times, and while I hope that doesn't happen, I wouldn't blame her from pushing him away, or running as fast and as far as she can.
In the last conversation I had with him, I was trying to sort the lies from the truth, and he said to me "I am sorry I crushed you, I don't enjoy hurting people." I don't know if I believe him, that could just as well be a lie, but he did crush me, and he acknowledged it.
In trying to figure out what to do, I sought advice from a distanced third party who I find to be wise. This person wrote a truly magnificent response to my query, it was exactly what my pondering heart needed. He gave me a lot of advice, along with a little unexpected sign of hope and peace.
It's as though he knew my thoughts, or read my mind, although I didn't way a word about it, he ended the email with this Bible verse:
Psalms 34:18 - "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."
My spirits won't be crushed forever.
I can't help but feel as though I should have known. I should have guessed. I should have never, ever, ever let him back in. I should have continued to believe that he is toxic, like I had thought before. Like so many wonderful people in my life tried to warn. He is toxic because he destroys everything that he touches. Everything except his work, but even that has been a strained relationship as his own parents, the owners of the company fired him for his outrageous antics at one point.
All that to say, I can't help but feel as though I should tell her, or make him tell her.
I have a powerful weapon... it's called my memory. I know things that I he doesn't realize that I know, and I remember things that he doesn't even remember telling me, and that - well that could get him into a lot of trouble.
But It's not my business anymore. Now that I am free of the situation, I don't think that it's my place to tell. But I wish that someone, anyone, would have told me, which is why I wish that I could tell her. I know that telling her might destroy any chance that he has to having a working relationship with this women, something that he began seeking only after the baby was born. I don't want to destroy a relationship, I'm not that vindictive, but if the situation was reversed I truly believe that he would be that vindictive. I don't want to ruin the relationship, but I wouldn't mind torching his car.
Anyway, I think that she has the right to know, the right to make a decision that will be best for her and her child - regardless of what would be best for him.
Throughout my life, I have seen the "cheater" turn into the "cheated on" a number of times, and while I hope that doesn't happen, I wouldn't blame her from pushing him away, or running as fast and as far as she can.
In the last conversation I had with him, I was trying to sort the lies from the truth, and he said to me "I am sorry I crushed you, I don't enjoy hurting people." I don't know if I believe him, that could just as well be a lie, but he did crush me, and he acknowledged it.
In trying to figure out what to do, I sought advice from a distanced third party who I find to be wise. This person wrote a truly magnificent response to my query, it was exactly what my pondering heart needed. He gave me a lot of advice, along with a little unexpected sign of hope and peace.
It's as though he knew my thoughts, or read my mind, although I didn't way a word about it, he ended the email with this Bible verse:
Psalms 34:18 - "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."
My spirits won't be crushed forever.
